No, I Didn’t Get Your E-Mail

Lately, I’ve been getting more and more e-mails from people requesting “read-receipts,” an annoying way for the super anal to feel super sure that I got their super important message. This one goes out to them.

Hi. Guess what? I didn’t get your e-mail. At least I’m not going to confirm that I did because one of the perks of e-mail is that if I don’t particularly like your message for whatever reason, I can choose to pretend it never got to me. I like that. A lot. In fact, I see it as a right. And you’re trying to take that away from me. So not only am I not going to send you a receipt—I’m going to delete your e-mail. And then I’m going to go find it in the trash folder and really delete it, so even if I feel bad about it later, there’s nothing I can do.